I became insane with long intervals of insanity.
The moral of the story is that no matter how hard I try it and want it. Some stories just don’t have happy ending. Some of my demons travel with me while others haunt me from deep. Some are admiring and can stay with me. But some tear me inside and they also don’t want to leave me.
Someone says, I am a graceful person. But I became a broken window of February. A gunshot muffled in next street. I fall from elegance to dirt. I belong to all leap days that I didn’t live.
Deep down, I want be “the one” to someone. I don’t know if I would be able to become that person to someone. The darkness inside the skin roar louds within me.
The only one that has ruined me is my grief. I am beautifully out of mind. I sleep with horror underneath me and wake up with my own blood.
Once again, I am amused! The moment of content is soon to come and I know exactly when and where it will meet me.
Another phase of life and another moment of content!
I am not an easy person to be with, I know that. Most probably, I won’t even try to make it easy. It would be difficult at times to understand my desires. It will be provocative because I am not the kind of person who the people walk all over. I am not good with sympathy and empathy when it comes to my way. When someone pisses me off with their bullshit, I just throw them out of my life. When I say something, I mean it; so better not ignore it to be safe. I know, I am jerk, I am annoying and biggest hilarious of this world. On the contrary, I can want you to scream and punch on wall. I can ruin your whole day and save it in last minute.
But even though, I have so much going with me, I can assure you there is another side of me, I do. It will be amazing to explore the other side. I have gaint heart. I will always stand by you and won’t stop caring even if you push me away.
During my teenage, I always thought true love was red roses, dates on Saturday nights, little box that holds expensive thing, and always knowing what to say. I thought true love was a kiss in the rain, deep explanations and the perfect story. But now that I’m older I’ve realized it’s not like that at all. It can be totally different. It can be firework, explosive and bright. It can be raw, passionate, wild, maybe even dangerous and reckless. But I am not scared to fall in love, I am made of flesh and bone and muscles, and I am strong enough to handle any type of it.
Moreover, how things stand to me now is bit clashing. People need to understand that I’m not ready to commit to anyone. I want to love and feel the deep connection with somebody, but I just can’t do it now. So, you see I refuse to put my heart at risk for my selfish reasons.
The state of affair is I’m finding balance in my life. Life is too shot for anything mediocre. Definitely, I love, but love for the right reason with the right man over right mind. No two souls are same and thus I am trying to become someone better anyone can hold for life long. I am putting trust on myself, embracing happiness and embracing life!
I was not like everyone else, simply because I didn’t care about things. Instead, my heart yearned for new places, people, and experiences that would inspire me to become greater in spirit and live as freely, as my heart loved.
You see, right now, I am just chasing the things that makes me happy. I am chasing the things that feed my soul. And to be honest with everyone. I could care less about anybody else is doing. I could care less about anybody else thinks.
I do not know how I came to be like this, how I ended up here. I only know that I am now- wild and reckless. Bold and unapologetic!
I am the designer of my own catastrophy.
The desire to get married is a basic and primal instinct in women. It’s followed by another basic and primal instinct: the desire to be single again.
Picture Location: mumbai
Some thoughts just cross my mind in a flash of second that gives me pause to think over it again and again.
Love loves to love love. (Think over it)
I didn’t lose him; I had to let him go.
I didn’t get over him, I had to move on.
I didn’t lose feelings for him; I had to walk away.
I didn’t let him go; I had to push him away.
I didn’t forget about him; I had to cut him off.
I didn’t want things to end; I just did what’s best for me.
I didn’t want to break up; I just wasn’t to handle it anymore.
I didn’t want to leave his life; I just needed time for myself.
It’s just got to the point where I put myself first for once
And I decided it was time for me and him to go his separate ways.
I’d run back to him in a Heartbeat, but for now, I just need to be on my own.
##Some alone time but first coffee!
No calls and no messages! Distance changes everything. I have been in love before, it’s like a narcotic. At first it brings the euphoria of complete surrender. The next day you want more. You are not addicted yet, but you like the sensation. You also think that you can control things. But then you get used to that person and the independence changes to completely dependent on that person. And then at the last stage, just an addict steal and humiliate themselves to get what they want, you are willing to do anything for love.
I met so many after him but nothing attracts me as he did. He has magnetic vibes that disturbed me. His charismatic and captivating personality makes women crazy for him. Well, I was one of the woman sadly who got irresistible.
Interesting part of my life!
I stopped crying because it’s over but started smiling because it happened to me. My experience of life is not divided into chapters; it is tragic, romantic, horrifying, comical, science fiction, travel and much more. I wish, I could be luckier with bit pornography.
I told my friend once I wasn’t good at anything. She told me survival is talent. I took it as regard!
Absence makes the heart grow fonder,” someone once said. The scariest thing about distance is you don’t know if they’ll miss you or forget about you.
##I am glad that I met you. No regret!
The things that make life downhearted are regret and expectations. They both exist in a time that is not now.
We regret for something that is done in past or that we could have done. And then comes expectations, devil in mind to turn things up and down. Moreover, life happened between chase and escape; rise and set; gain and loss; birth and death. There is so much in it to explore and then just two things to make it wretched and broken.
Although, to sustain in between life and death, I lie between giving up and trying again!
A lot of people say that I run from the situations rather than facing them patiently. I give up on things easily. But, the bravest thing I ever did was continuing my life when I wanted to die. I tired not to give up in those situations. Now, it doesn’t matter what they think of me and talking behind my back.
A lot of people out there faces similar situation or worst than we could imagine and are fighting everyday. I salute them for their courage! I am not saying that I am the bravest of them. It is just that I am the weakest of all.
People will not rescue you in hardships. It is 100% your life and it is your responsibility. Whatever feelings you have within you are attracting your tomorrow. Worry attracts more worry and dissatisfaction attracts more dissatisfaction. Happiness attracts more happiness, peace attracts more peace, and joy attracts more joy. Our job is inside one.
To change our world, all we have to do is change the way we feel inside.
Its a summer but a cup of tea will save my day!