Impulse

It is the same again. The time repeats itself with New Year and new calender on wall. They will again make new notepads and diaries with a new aim and new entries. I know it would end up in vain. Still, we set some unrealistic and realistic aims for the year long. Every day we hope to attain those aims of desired fame, topper’s marksheet, flattery tummy, healthy diet, without cheat working out daily and those ‘n’ numbers of things.

However, the day passes with months rolling and reaching to the end of a calender with another new year. And it is the same again. The time repeats itself with New Year and new calender on wall.

New beginnings are often disguised as painful ending.

I know it is not easy to motivate yourself. It takes a hell out of efforts to work with determination throughout the year. Movement is something which burns the soul energy to thrive. One must move, move, move and just move every day. Most of the time we are distracted by other things for which we’re guilty of it. I would suggest not feeling guilty of it rather find ways to go back to work and remember what you have aimed to accomplish. Thankfully, there are lot of ways to get back to work and keep you focused. Although, there is no universal strategy that’s guaranteed to work for everyone.

The other side is that you might not have just one “motivator” – you might have two or four or ten. And they are always changing. So, keep yourself surrounded with positive vibes and if something negative is reaching you then you are strong to cross that without getting effected.

For me right now, it takes some a few songs to go, “okay! I’m ready!” But it might change tomorrow and I would be motivated by speaking to someone or anything else in this world.

Recently, I read a beautiful poem that motivated me and I am sharing this in this piece. Hope the rest would appreciate it.

If you drown in the sorrows of the past,

If you blame every minute that you last,

Don’t forget how you smiled when you lived every second with cheer.

So if you lose your balance or forget how to fight,

Stand back up and nudge yourself to remind,

Say, “This is not the end. I know that’s for sure.

If I don’t feel okay, there has to be a cure!”

CRY OUT LOUD

Believe the truth about

You are just as worthy today, as you were yesterday!

Keep moving ahead!

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30 Dec ’17

I have never wondered that he would come to see me in that crowd. The moment I saw him, everything stopped for a while. I wanted to hug him tight. But, we were in public place with so many people around, that, those emotions stayed within me. Doesn’t matter, I was happy to see him. He was right in front of me.

Everytime I see him, it is the most beautiful moment as true as it can get. He is an addiction, has artists hands, sweet honey eyes and lips that always taste of whiskey. Oh god! This man makes me crazy. Now, I miss every moment with him or I miss him.

What I miss? May be, I miss his warm hug and wet kisses. Those pamper and cozy snuggles. The romantic fights with soft touch of care. I tasted something more sweet than honey on his shoulder and I want that each day of my life.

Love is giving, but needs a little sprinkle of willingness to take risk for each other; that’s when love culminates into a relationship. Year 2017 was the most incredible journey and I thank everyone who crossed paths with me.

I just want him to stay as long as there is internet on our planet.

He let me drink love from his eyes,

I kept writing love from my hands.

Virginity!

Her life changed that day!

Everthing was sudden for her, so the boy and the girl couldn’t share anything with each other. She had a bad past, a boy cheated on her. So, parents forced her for the marriage.

They would get married and she would finally leave her parents and settle down with his man for the entire life. One night she was crying partially due to emotions for her family and partially due to headache. Everyone was happy. She used to play all those wedding games in her childhood and was very fond of marriage. After few days, she was also very happy because she was going to start a new life.

Lemme, remind you all she was forced to marriage.

Everything was done. Families were busy in ceremony planning and in all rituals. She called him and asked “Can we meet today?”

He said “Off course!”

They decided to meet at cafe. She was wearing black dress and was happy because of her marriage as it was all about meeting of two pure souls. She was nervous; it was new journey for her.

He walked towards her. They had a sharp eye contact. He smiled at her and sat infront of her. He asked “Is everything okay?”

She couldn’t speak a word. She just smiled. He asked “How are you? We couldn’t talk that much before but now you can share everything”. Tears rolled down from her eyes.

Why are you crying?” He asked.

She didn’t even utter a word. “Huh! You are going to be my soulmate, will you please speak now?”

She, “I had a very bad past. I am forced to marry you. I loved a boy, he cheated on me and I am no longer a virgin.

The man gave an outstanding response to the confession. I have seen so many boys who speak so much but I have also seen what kind of thinking they have for girls and their virginity. People have views about such girls. But, I am proud of him and thank god that still such gems exist in our society.

I want to know what people think he would have said to her!

Lost

You taught me how to stand

When I fall,

But never told me to bend

When we walked in life.

Your love never died

Even when you left the world

For me to fight.

I never knew place to knock,

To cry loud

When I was left with nothing

Then to block.

Once again your soul would blame

Once again you daughter

entered wrong game.

You would regret leaving me,

Because I am going to leave myself.

Tired of crying, weeping, breaking,

Shattering, suffering, tormenting,

Regreting, missing, misery, depression,

Dieing, desolating, mourning, despairing

And destroying every inch of my heart.

Your sweet little daughter

Lost her love Maa.

Relationship

I remember the night. Oh my god! I was waiting for him so desperately because finally we are going to meet each other. On contrary, I was so angry on him for coming so late. I knew somewhere that I won’t be able to hold my anger. I always melt when speaks to me anything. His smile is enough for me to fall in love with him all over again. That stupid fellow knew that once he will grab me in his arms, everything will fall in place.

Hey! Your phone is ringing” my roommate said. And I came out of my memories of him into the real life. The cognizance is sweet to recall but painful when we realise the fact. Every human define differently the meaning of “love”. You may view as a roller coaster, a puzzle, a maze, a symphony, journey or dance.

The way we see our relationship shapes our relationship. Our perspective will influence the love and relation. Today, my friends proved me that the relationship I share with them is priceless. While I was dealing with my mood swings due to heart aches, they were planning to enlighten my dark night. Tears rolled down my cheeks missing him as usual and they were plotting something to add some sweetness after those salty tears. I did not know when I fell asleep crying and missing him.

Suddenly, someone came to me and said “hey baby! Wake up.” I was like, what happened that she was waking me up at night. I came to my drawing room and was shocked to see everything. I never expected that my friends would surprise me. They drew me out of the pain in these winter nights. The room was filled with the light of candles and in the middle of the room there was something. I walked closer and my eyes could not believe what it saw. There was a huge and beautiful chocolate fantasy cake for me. And all started singing “happy birthday to you!” I was numb for a while and just watching them singing that song for me with so much joy and happiness. Those smiles on their face with sparkling eyes were infinitely sweet and mesmerising. They celebrated my birthday so nicely. I was happy. I have nothing more to add for the night because the rest happened in the room was magical. I have no words to express those emotions with that essence of purity.

It is truly said

If a man does not make a new acquaintances as he advances through life, he will soon find himself alone. A man should keep his friendship in constant repair.

Mighty proud I am that I have such friends in my life. Thank you everyone.

Note: My birthday comes in May not in December still they did for me. For my happiness.

Infinite me

The feeling that knit together two single is “love“. It is something that does not demand anything yet gives you so much. I too experienced the mind boggling feeling of love with him. I never knew that it would grow with time. The way I felt the first day has changed; and grew into a beautiful image of emotion expanding within me. On the other hand, I knew love never comes alone. However, it also brings enormous pain and heart aches.

Does anyone think why the feeling of agony and pain is devastating?

The two faced love: peace and pain. The feeling of being ignored, loneliness, heart aches, agony and uncontrollable infinite pain breaks the soul into small pieces. I saw the love in his eyes which was nothing but the reflection of sight. I want to run from the warmth I felt in his arms when he grabbed me. It was nothing but the lust that I thought was divine. It hurts but pain also brings “insensibility”. I stepped into the wrong story where nothing was mine accept the pain.

I will feel every kiss of pain until the soul which exists transform into strong and independent mortal. Life has once again played a different tune with painful notes in the winter nights. Once again, I am watching the world with despair. The two hands in roads, streets, cafes, bars, parties and wedding seems to be camouflage. In the dark and shady maze wrapped in the soulful moonlight, my love is howling reaching its end.

Yes, I love you indeterminately but my world is collapsing with the end of our relationship.

Does it not hurt him to hurt me?

I want to make love with you.

Where love exists?

In the small place inside my fleshy skin protected and guarded by strong cage of bones.

Yet it is in love with a heart that lies within your body. Growing, rushing, beating and ruling over my mind. It is so amazing to wear your heart on your sleeves.

Feeling of contentment, triumph, intimacy, tenderness and tranquillity makes me reach in to the seventh heaven.

Someday, the two will make love to give birth to more love with a tot. One day, it will grow to its maturity to make love with another and cycle repeats.

Love is a fruit, in season at all times

And within the reach of every hand.

Any can gather it and no limit is set.

Mother Teresa

Still the little heart within my fleshy skin fears to make love to you.

How do I make love to you?

Coffee

I know that I have a dreadful past that has shattered my soul so badly that I wish to have someone to whom I can love, someone who can love me equally with respect and dignity. However, whatever I deserve and demand never happens to me.

I am unable to move on and fetch the life that I wish to have with someone. The mind has made several assumptions, made uncountable restrictions and stories for men that I can not ignore or keep aside when I start new relation. All the time, I have stories running over my mind and then limit me from being loved. I wanted someone who can love me, care about me, fight for me, respect me and my decisions and hold my hand in crowd proudly. I do not want anything from him accept the love that can save me from my past and fills me with happiness that comes from inside not merely on my face but from my soul so that I can live my life in true sense.

Do I demand much from a man? Do my desires are so high for a man to fulfil them?

I am in a bizarre situation where I am unable to find myself. I desperately wish to, NO! I want to live, love, laugh, enjoy, and admire someone. What so ever happened in the past is gone but is still there in my mind. I know, what I am assuming about the rest of the world is not true. But when its comes to act, I deny the fact and listen to my stupid consent of my mind that made numerous perceptions.

Holy Jesus! Its 5 o’clock and I am still sitting with my coffee with those depressing memories of past.

I may be a Martian, while you reside in venus.

I’ll tear apart all the barriers that would come between us.

To be continued…..

Missed call

It was midnight when I felt that I should talk to him about the things that are making me upset and frustrated. And the other moment, felt that how would I tell him? He does not know about me and never took any interest on my stuffs then how would I express to him?

I dropped the idea of saying a word to him about the situation and my feelings and decided to call him just to listen his voice. I called him. The phone was out of reach. I tried second time and then I got a busy tone on his number. It was 2:30 A.M. I felt broken and literally wanted to ask him about the call. Third time, the phone was ringing, ringing and ringing. He did not picked up my call. I could not say a word to anyone how devastating, broken, left out I was feeling that night. I knew that moment that I have lost the person to whom I loved so truly.

Never mind, I accepted the truth and decided to go with the flow. I called him once more and just asked about him and then call ended.

And the whole night, I was watching is instagram account, holding the pillow and thinking about our first date. Just wanted him to realise that a stupid and fatso girl is in love with him.

I got addicted to you so easily.

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